To Suit a Suitor Read online

  “I am going to talk to him,” Julia announced with determination.

  Harriet gave a high squeal, “Oooh, this is going to be good! Do you want me to come with you?”

  Julia just shook her head no and drew in a deep breath for courage; this would not be an easy conversation.

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  Chapter 2

  Julia walked straight toward Mr. Bedford. Couples were lining up for the dance that was about to begin, and she had to weave around them before reaching the opposite side of the room. Mr. Bedford was alone now and he watched warily as Julia approached him. But when she stopped directly in front of him, he gave her a chivalrous smile and said, “Miss North, what a lovely surprise to see you here this evening.”

  Julia gritted her teeth at his insincerity. He knew she would be there this evening; they had spoken of the ball only yesterday. And it wasn’t lovely to see her either. His guilty face when he had caught her eye earlier by mistake showed that it was anything but lovely to see her.

  Julia didn’t bother with the same politeness. “Are you going to ask me to dance?” It was an incredibly improper thing for a young lady to do, but propriety was not her most pressing concern at the moment. His smile looked stiff, but he was too much of a gentleman to do anything else but agree. He offered his arm to Julia and she let him lead her to the dance floor.

  Julia decided to broach the subject immediately. She had no interest in anything else he could possibly have to say and didn’t want to waste time listening to his commentary on the weather, which was usually his first topic of choice. The musicians began playing and all the dancers down the line began moving in perfect rhythm as Julia bluntly asked, “Mr. Bedford, why have you decided to no longer court me?”

  Perhaps a little too blunt, she thought as he missed a step. An awkward hop brought him back to their correct place in the line and he cleared his throat before replying, “What makes you think I’ve made any such decision, Miss North?”

  “Because you’ve been avoiding me since I walked in and you didn’t ask me for the first dance, as you have done at every opportunity for the last month.”

  Julia could see a light sheen of perspiration forming at his hairline as she pointed out the obvious. He didn’t miss any more steps in the dance, but he stretched his neck, as if his cravat was too tight, clearly uncomfortable with the subject. “Perhaps I’ve led you to believe I … felt more for you than is actually the case.” He paused and cleared his throat before saying, “If you feel that there has been a breach of honor, then I will accept the blame for my actions and offer for you … of course.”

  Julia pulled her head back in mild alarm. No wonder he was looking like a caged animal; he thought she was forcing the issue so he would propose! Lucky her mother hadn’t heard him. She didn’t try to hide the aversion in her voice as she said, “No. That is the last thing I want.” She could see how relieved he was at her words and felt a sudden surge of annoyance. But she couldn’t forget why she was here: not to start an argument but to find out why he didn’t want her. She drew in a deep breath and released it before she could politely speak again. “The only thing I want from you, Mr. Bedford, is the reason behind your actions.” Her bravado failed her a bit as she admitted, “You are not the first suitor to give up on me and I want to know what it is about me that you don’t like.”

  Mr. Bedford’s expression turned curious. “You want me to tell you what I don’t like about you?”

  Her pride was not enjoying this exchange, so she just nodded her acquiescence. But he looked skeptical and said, “I don’t think that would be a very gentlemanly thing to do, Miss North.”

  “Neither is jilting a young lady, Mr. Bedford,” she retorted. He glanced around with a cautious look in his eyes and Julia realized she must have spoken a little too loudly. Luckily, the other dancers hadn’t seemed to notice. Continuing the steps of the dance, and with her voice now lowered, Julia persisted, “Please just tell me what’s wrong with me. What is my shortcoming that has made you decide I will not be a suitable wife?” Although she didn’t want Mr. Bedford to see any weakness in her, she humbly muttered, “If you do not tell me, then I cannot fix it and I will continue to be abandoned by every suitor who comes along.”

  His wary look was gone now, replaced by pity. This was the most excruciating conversation Julia had ever initiated. If the answer hadn’t been so important, she would have run from the room.

  Finally, he reluctantly began. “I’m not sure if this will be helpful to you, but I decided after our conversation yesterday that we would not suit.” Julia thought back to their conversation, but she couldn’t remember anything of importance about it. He could see she didn’t understand and continued, “I told you how I love walking on windy days and I even enjoy a light rain sometimes, and you teased me for it.”

  Julia’s eyes grew wide in wonder at his ridiculous reason. Was he serious? It was the most flimsy excuse that she could have imagined. Her voice was low but incredulous as she asked, “Are you telling me that you have decided to no longer court me because I don’t like walking in the wind and rain?”

  She expected him to capitulate and tell her the real reason, but his answer wasn’t what she expected. “When you put it like that I know it sounds unfair, but yes. I want a wife who shares my interests and likes the things I like, or who will at least love me enough to give them a try.” Now he was the one who looked embarrassed to admit something so personal.

  Julia looked away from him and let her gaze rest wherever it might as they continued the dance. Good luck finding any young lady who wants to walk on windy, rainy days, she thought bitterly. She was sure that Lizzy Tomlinson wouldn’t. She was very particular about her appearance and would never want to arrive anywhere wet or mussed.

  Julia was more annoyed by her lack of progress than by his actual reason for deciding not to pursue her anymore. This didn’t help her at all. None of her other suitors had ever expressed a desire to spend time in foul weather, so Mr. Bedford’s reason for deserting her must be a deviation from theirs.

  She had secretly expected him to say that her fault was that she didn’t ride. She had often been invited by gentlemen of her acquaintance to go riding. Perhaps once or twice she had noticed a disappointed look when she said she wouldn’t. The truth was, she couldn’t. Having grown up in London, Julia had never seen the need to learn. If she had really wanted to, she could have found a way, but she was somewhat afraid of horses. She had never asked her mother for riding lessons, and luckily her mother had never insisted. If her mother thought that it might help her catch a husband, she would insist.

  Their dance was nearing its end, and Julia knew it would be the last time she ever danced with Mr. Bedford, so despite the fact that he hadn’t helped her in the least, she gave him a polite smile that was so often necessary in society and said, “Thank you for answering my question, Mr. Bedford. Please accept my best wishes for your future happiness.”

  The words were more polite than her tone, but Mr. Bedford bowed deeply and as conversations around them surged and the final notes of music died he replied, “You’re welcome, Miss North. I hope I have helped you in some small way.”

  He hadn’t, so she just mustered one more polite smile and turned away. She made her way back across the room and found her sister just returning from dancing again, this time with Lord Blakely.

  Julia wasn’t in the best mood after speaking with Mr. Bedford, so her tone was a bit sarcastic as she asked, “Is the engagement back on?”

  Harriet answered the question with a seriousness it didn’t deserve. “I was wavering again while we danced as to what I should do … but then he looked into my eyes so deeply and told me he thinks I’m perfect.” She sighed with a far-off look in her eyes and said, “Lord Blakely is the man for me.”

  Their mother was approaching her daughters and heard the end of what Harriet was saying. “Of course he’s the man for you. You’re engaged. In fact, now might be the perfect time to announce
the engagement.”

  Julia had known the engagement would be announced at the ball, but she hadn’t worried about it. She wasn’t engaged of course, but Mr. Bedford’s attentions had at least helped her feel secure enough to weather her younger sister’s engagement. But now, this was awful! Mother was counting down the days until Mr. Bedford would propose. She’d be furious when she learned he was no longer an option. Julia was wishing for at least the thousandth time that she didn’t have to bother with such things. She was more than halfway through her third season and she didn’t have a single suitor, but her younger sister, in just her first season, was engaged. And if it hadn’t been Lord Blakely who offered for her, there were several other gentlemen eagerly waiting in the wings to pay their addresses.

  As Mr. Owen, their host for the evening, quieted all the guests for the announcement, Julia slipped away from her mother and Harriet. Lord Blakely took her place as Julia retreated to a corner of the room. When he had the attention of the room, Mr. Owen began, “I have sad news to announce to you all this evening.” But he couldn’t keep the smile out of his voice and Julia glanced around at all the guests gathered in the Owens’ ballroom and saw smiles of anticipation on their faces, awaiting the joke. “Another of our esteemed members of the House of Lords has been captured by a most devious foe.” Shaking his head as if with regret, he went on, “Without ever suspecting a thing, our dear friend Lord Blakely has been lured into a perilous trap. I suppose we can only be grateful that he thinks he has chosen this fate himself, never knowing that once Miss Harriet North set her sights on him, he never had a chance.” Everyone laughed at that just as they should and Mr. Owen turned to shake hands with Lord Blakely as Harriet blushed prettily next to him. “So instead of condolences, we will offer congratulations, and Lord Blakely will never know that he didn’t go willingly to his doom.”

  Julia was feeling quite low as she listened to the polite laughter at Mr. Owen’s clever quips. She didn’t wish for the same silly announcement for herself. If she had her choice, she wouldn’t worry about catching a husband at all, but their relative poverty and her mother’s situation meant that she didn’t have a choice. So she tried. Over and over she tried, with every new suitor, season after season. But her character was flawed in some way that made all her efforts worthless. This flaw, this unknown failing in her, was the cause of the repeated rejections she had endured. Her confidence fell a little each time a suitor chose to walk away. Her conversation with Mr. Bedford was still fresh in her mind; his expression full of pity, a memory she wished she didn’t have.

  In this mood of self-doubt, Julia wished more than anything to leave the ball and seek the solitude of her room. But, of course, their carriage was the last one ordered. Her mother and Harriet were enjoying all the success of the evening and didn’t want to miss even one guest who would offer congratulations. For every happy wish for her future happiness that Harriet received, Julia had to listen to either a consoling, “Surely your turn will come soon, dear.” Or a jovial, “You’ll have to be quick now; with a younger sister soon married, you’ll be left on the shelf!”

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  Chapter 3

  The next morning, Julia’s outlook was somewhat better when she realized Harriet’s newly announced engagement could work in her favor. Mr. Bedford’s desertion would hopefully go unnoticed by her mother for a few more days. She had entertained high hopes for Mr. Bedford as a son-in-law. He had certainly been Julia’s most promising suitor this season, but perhaps the hectic wedding preparations would prevent at least some of her mother’s annoyance. Typically, after Julia lost a suitor, Mother would increase their social engagements, saying that Julia needed to “cast a wider net” by being seen more. Julia would have to dance every dance and sit by a new gentleman every time they were invited to dine out, and her mother would always insist that Julia perform on the pianoforte at any opportunity to show off her talent. She really hated that. She loved playing; she just hated being compared to other young ladies whose talent was superior to her own. She knew she shouldn’t feel like it was a competition, but she wasn’t the best and she hated the feeling. But perhaps with Harriet’s wedding to plan, she wouldn’t have to do all those things.

  Julia knew she was arriving late to breakfast this morning, and was still dragging her feet as she went downstairs. Their London town home had been just the thing when the North family had begun ownership two generations ago, but now it was in desperate need of repair and refurbishing. Her mother had complained about it for as long as Julia could remember. She had the servants move furniture around often, hoping that some new arrangement would hide the shabbiest sofas. Mother would sometimes buy new screens or vases or statuettes and they would always be put in the sitting room or dining room, the only rooms where they received guests. But Julia felt more at ease in the rest of the house. The room her mother referred to as the breakfast parlor was next to the kitchen and just off the servants’ wing. The wood table had scratches that they never bothered to hide with a tablecloth, the sideboard was lighter on one side from too many years of sunlight, and none of the serving dishes matched anymore.

  When Julia walked into the breakfast parlor ready to cheerfully discuss the wedding arrangements, she instead found her mother and Harriet in conversation over the post. Mother seemed to be groaning in annoyance.

  “What’s the matter, Mother?” she asked.

  “I’ve just received a letter from your father’s cousin, Martha Abbot,” Mother complained.

  Harriet looked up as she said, “I didn’t even know Father had a cousin.”

  Julia had a flash of memory though. She was only ten when she last saw her, but she vaguely remembered ‘Cousin Martha.’ “Is she the one who came to stay with us after Father died?” she asked.

  Her mother didn’t look pleased by the reminder. “Yes, that’s her. She came to comfort me, but she was so upset herself that it wasn’t all that comforting.” Her tone was exasperated. “She stayed for half a year to help.”

  Julia nodded as memories came to her recollection. “Cousin Martha … I think I can remember sitting in the nursery with her as she read me stories. She was so kind.”

  Her mother looked like she had a dilemma on her hands. Guilt and annoyance were both evident in her features as she reluctantly admitted, “Yes, she was very kind.” Mother drummed her fingers on the table for a moment. “She asks in her letter if I can come to her for two months. She has had a paid companion for many years who has just left to tend to her sick mother. While she has hired a new girl to take her place, the girl’s father won’t let her go until she is fifteen, in two months.” Mother got up from the table, saying, “I’d better respond immediately so she can make other arrangements. I feel indebted to her, but I’ll have to repay her kindness to us some other time. I can’t leave London while we are planning Harriet’s wedding. I’m sure Martha will understand.”

  It was a shame that her mother couldn’t help her, but Julia agreed that there was no way Mother could leave London now.

  Harriet waited until Mother had left the room and said, “I’d better get dressed; I’m going for a carriage ride in the park this morning.”

  Julia just nodded her head as she left the room, distracted by her last thought. Mother couldn’t leave London now, but there was no reason Julia couldn’t. As soon as the thought occurred to her, she knew it was exactly what she wanted. Leaving London wouldn’t fix her problems, but all she wanted right now was a reprieve from them.

  Suddenly feeling very excited, Julia abandoned her breakfast and rushed upstairs to her mother’s room where she was sitting at her desk composing a letter. “Mother, I could take your place!” she exclaimed.

  Her mother looked up at her with a confused expression. “What was that, Julia?”

  “I could go to stay with Father’s cousin. Harriet can’t possibly plan her wedding without you, but I’m not necessary, am I?” She didn’t wait for an answer; she was too enthusiastic about her new plan. “I wi
ll just be in the way on all your shopping expeditions, and taking up room in the carriage when it will already be too full from your many purchases.” This had happened before, so it wasn’t just a petty argument.

  “Julia!” she exclaimed in censored surprise. “You can’t possibly leave London now! Why, what would Mr. Bedford think? He will surely be offering for you soon. And considering your luck with suitors, I wouldn’t expect him to wait around for you for two months while you run off to Somerset. He’ll think you don’t care for him and begin courting someone else.”

  Julia didn’t reply right away and she dropped her gaze to her feet, not wanting to see her mother’s annoyance at her latest failure. She wasn’t surprised to hear the reprimanding tone already in her mother’s voice as she asked, “Has something happened between you and Mr. Bedford?”

  Still looking down, Julia quietly replied, “He already began courting someone else.”

  Her mother let out a frustrated sigh before echoing Harriet’s words from the night before. “Not another one!”

  Julia finally looked up and let out her own frustrated sigh, but kept silent.

  “Why does this keep happening to you? This is more than just bad luck.” Mother glanced at the door and lowered her voice a bit. “Harriet’s not even as pretty as you are and she has multiple suitors who want to marry her. You haven’t had a single proposal. What is it that you are doing wrong?”

  Julia was all too familiar with this lecture and the disapproving look that went with it. She didn’t understand why her mother’s suitors and her sister’s suitors never lost interest the way hers did. Her mother, in fact, was always the one to discard suitors, not the other way around. Since her father’s death, Julia had seen her mother accept attention from many men, and none of them ever seemed to find fault with her, but never until she received a proposal from an earl had she remained constant.